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Kevin, You’re Kidding! - Well, we Hope so, Anyway.

Issue: Issue 82: May 2009
Author: Chris Wright

Our Teflon coated Prime Minister has erred away from safe politics by opening the batting and going for a golden duck with Peking looking on with increasing anxiety.
In a chest puffing exercise which is no doubt designed to impress his new best friend, the US President, Kev 747 is ramping up naval and air force capability just in case China decides it really does want to rule the Planet.
Well, there is precedent for this sort of behavior, so it’s likely to happen again.
In the same breath, Kev has announced that 700 jobs will vaporize from the Immigration Department. Well done, mate, instead of the Immigration budget getting kicked around, send another 700 of ‘em to Centrelink, they seem to be flush with funds.
How strange that Kev 747 flicks Government staff, yet kicks the suitcase out of all and sundry for daring to do the same………
This is the stuff of considerable hilarity. Imagine the Chinese Premier, Wen Jiabao (WJ) calling Kev for a chat……..

WJ; “Herrow, herrow. Is that you Kevin”?
K ; “Ahh, Wen Jiabao, you are my most honorable friend. Greetings, may I bow in your
electronic presence?”
WJ; “Don’t you always?”
K; “Well, yes, but I’m simply showing due respect, most honorable friend”.
WJ; “Perhaps you should have considered your so called respectful position prior to
declaring my country to be a potential military threat. Anyway, enough of this
small talk, I could blow your little candle out before Wayne Swann gets another
grey hair if I wanted to!”
K; “An excellent point my friend, I’ve spoken to him about using a touch of color.
In fact, the matter has been raised in Caucus and the standards committee is
contemplating a range of colours as put forward by our very best manufacturers”.
WJ; “Haa! They are probably made by those Imperialists led by your friend Barry!
Anyway, you have skillfully diverted attention to the purpose of my call.”
K; “Wayne’s hair?”
WJ; “No, you intellectual fool, your obvious lack of respect!”
K; “Honorable friend, I don’t understand”.
WJ; “Once a bureaucrat, always a bureaucrat. You have learnt nothing, Grasshopper!”.
K; “I have no wish to offend, honorable friend. The naval and military build up is
simply a ploy to guard against the alarming rise of fundamentalist Islam.”
WJ; “As your friend Barry would say; Son of a bitch! Kevin, you a missing the point.
The great Emperor Yung-Wei considered Islam to be consistent with the thinking
of Confucius, and Islam has been ingrained in our history for 1400 years. The
thing that is troubling me so much is the fact you have flicked 700 from the
Immigration Department.”
K; “How so, honorable friend?”
WJ “The pesky boat people will flood into your country now. Many may be from the
Xinjiang region, which is a hotbed of difficult Muslims, and not in my favor!”
K; “I’m surprised you don’t want to be rid of them, honorable friend”.
WJ; “You underestimate me Grasshopper; I want them here so I can watch them!
More to the point, I don’t want them in your country!”
K; “I assure you, my friend, we will treat them well.”
WJ; “That’s the problem, Grasshopper!” You will treat them like Kings and Queens!
K; “Is that so bad, honorable friend?”
WJ: “It is if they end up working at Rio Tinto and bloody well hijack my beloved
Chinalco’s chances of pulling off the deal of a lifetime!
K; “Ahh, my friend……there is no need for concern, while I’m the Prime Minister
these poor unfortunate people will not have to work. However, they will be
required under some circumstances to go through the motion of seeking work.
Looking for work is a bit like voting in my country, honorable friend. Turn up
and do nothing”.
WJ; “Grasshopper, you have lost the plot big-time!”
K; “Hmmm, so my many advisors suggest. I’ll put a call in to Barry and see what he
thinks. He’s been pretty good since I committed more of our boys to Afghanistan.”
WJ; “Grasshopper, that’s a most gracious gesture, but why fight a war in the wrong
place? Clearly the threat is in the Swat Valley of Pakistan where sharia law has
been imposed.
K; “Ahh, thank you for the intelligence, my friend. I’ll call Barry and we’ll get a swat
team underway immediately!”
WJ; “A wise move, Grasshopper! In the meantime I’ll concentrate on important issues
like Rio Tinto”.

Chris Wright.

May 2009.

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